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Audrey and Veronica are my best friends. Together we're
the ultimate triple threat--a blonde, a brunette, and a
redhead. Audrey is fair and petite, occasionally
fragile and slightly pristine, but we love her anyway.
Veronica is tall, slender, and as fiery as her hair,
though not nearly as ruthless as she'd like you to
believe. And I'm, well, somewhere in between. Given
enough Lycra and Lancome, any man is putty in our
hands. At least, that's the theory.
When we met, sophomore year in college, the Triple
Threat was more than just theory. Our alma mater is the
kind of university with stately brick buildings, stone
spires, and tree-lined greens. On the surface it looks
like a very distinguished bastion of higher learning.
It woos unsuspecting parents into believing their child
will receive a top-notch Ivy-ish education at a bargain
the ultimate triple threat--a blonde, a brunette, and a
redhead. Audrey is fair and petite, occasionally
fragile and slightly pristine, but we love her anyway.
Veronica is tall, slender, and as fiery as her hair,
though not nearly as ruthless as she'd like you to
believe. And I'm, well, somewhere in between. Given
enough Lycra and Lancome, any man is putty in our
hands. At least, that's the theory.
When we met, sophomore year in college, the Triple
Threat was more than just theory. Our alma mater is the
kind of university with stately brick buildings, stone
spires, and tree-lined greens. On the surface it looks
like a very distinguished bastion of higher learning.
It woos unsuspecting parents into believing their child
will receive a top-notch Ivy-ish education at a bargain
Lately, however, the Triple Threat has become a little more dour than dangerous. We
are free from romantic attachments (can't get a date to save our lives), tired of
stupid men (angry about aforementioned dating problem), and most importantly we are
all in the midst of "financial crisis."
Now, to the modern American female a "financial crisis" is defined as the condition in
which too much rent and/or food money has been spent on too many beers and/or clothes,
resulting in a maxed-out overdraft and/or credit card. The only recourse available to
a modern American female in the throes of "financial crisis" is excessive beer and
cigarette consumption at local dive bar with best friends.
The Gaf, our dive bar of choice, is just around the corner from my apartment and the
perfect place for chronic financial crisis recovery. Actually, The Gaf isn't a great
bar for anything except financial crisis recovery. There are never more than three
other people there, the bartender is older than Rome, and it's dark--good for hiding.
The old mahogany paneling and Irish pub paraphernalia give The Gaf that added je ne
sais quoi--the kind of je ne sais quoi only overcome by good beer at low, low prices.
But when you add in the great jukebox and the owner's take on the New York smoking
ban, you have what we like to call paradise. At least once a night, Bill, the owner
and chief bartender of The Gaf, tells whoever will listen that he left Ireland to
"escape tyranny" and that he won't let "the fascist imperialists" tell him what he can
and cannot do in his bar. Thus, to Bill, every cigarette smoked in The Gaf is an act
of civil disobedience; we are more than happy to support him in his efforts.
As I amble into the bar and see Audrey and Veronica at our favorite window booth, I
finally feel the great weight of work lift off my shoulders. I hang my purse on a
nearby hook and flop in next to Audrey.
I'm about two bottles behind in the conversation, so the girls give me an encore of
"Ode to My Overdraft" in a sad attempt to catch me up. And I thought Audrey's
predilection for vintage Beyoncé was a harmless fascination.
At the conclusion of the fifth and final verse, Bill erupts in applause and gives us a
round on the house. God bless Bill.
are free from romantic attachments (can't get a date to save our lives), tired of
stupid men (angry about aforementioned dating problem), and most importantly we are
all in the midst of "financial crisis."
Now, to the modern American female a "financial crisis" is defined as the condition in
which too much rent and/or food money has been spent on too many beers and/or clothes,
resulting in a maxed-out overdraft and/or credit card. The only recourse available to
a modern American female in the throes of "financial crisis" is excessive beer and
cigarette consumption at local dive bar with best friends.
The Gaf, our dive bar of choice, is just around the corner from my apartment and the
perfect place for chronic financial crisis recovery. Actually, The Gaf isn't a great
bar for anything except financial crisis recovery. There are never more than three
other people there, the bartender is older than Rome, and it's dark--good for hiding.
The old mahogany paneling and Irish pub paraphernalia give The Gaf that added je ne
sais quoi--the kind of je ne sais quoi only overcome by good beer at low, low prices.
But when you add in the great jukebox and the owner's take on the New York smoking
ban, you have what we like to call paradise. At least once a night, Bill, the owner
and chief bartender of The Gaf, tells whoever will listen that he left Ireland to
"escape tyranny" and that he won't let "the fascist imperialists" tell him what he can
and cannot do in his bar. Thus, to Bill, every cigarette smoked in The Gaf is an act
of civil disobedience; we are more than happy to support him in his efforts.
As I amble into the bar and see Audrey and Veronica at our favorite window booth, I
finally feel the great weight of work lift off my shoulders. I hang my purse on a
nearby hook and flop in next to Audrey.
I'm about two bottles behind in the conversation, so the girls give me an encore of
"Ode to My Overdraft" in a sad attempt to catch me up. And I thought Audrey's
predilection for vintage Beyoncé was a harmless fascination.
At the conclusion of the fifth and final verse, Bill erupts in applause and gives us a
round on the house. God bless Bill.
same old.
"So, we all got nothing?" I say, disappointed.
Audrey wiggles in her seat. "Oh, wait! I almost forgot! I saw the Fonz today!"
"Heeey," I imitate, giving his trademark thumbs up.
"Where?" asks Veronica.
"Coming out of Starbucks at Forty-ninth and Seventh," replies Audrey.
"A grande, I think."
"What was he like?" I ask.
"Shorter than I thought; kind of older, too."
"Well, he's got to be my dad's age," says Veronica.
"Or older," I add.
"Yeah," says Audrey, deflating rapidly from her momentary high.
"Wow," I groan, "the highlight of the week is a Henry Winkler sighting?"
"So, we all got nothing?" I say, disappointed.
Audrey wiggles in her seat. "Oh, wait! I almost forgot! I saw the Fonz today!"
"Heeey," I imitate, giving his trademark thumbs up.
"Where?" asks Veronica.
"Coming out of Starbucks at Forty-ninth and Seventh," replies Audrey.
"A grande, I think."
"What was he like?" I ask.
"Shorter than I thought; kind of older, too."
"Well, he's got to be my dad's age," says Veronica.
"Or older," I add.
"Yeah," says Audrey, deflating rapidly from her momentary high.
"Wow," I groan, "the highlight of the week is a Henry Winkler sighting?"
big cruel city? We used to have actual stories or, at the very least, daydreams.
These days a real whopper of a night on the town involves two pitchers at The Gaf and
dinner for three at a burger joint on the corner.
"Are we losers?" I ask the girls.
"No," chirps Audrey.
"Absolutely not. We're young and vibrant," says Veronica weakly.
"We don't have it that bad. Besides, Ryan, things will pick up," declares Audrey.
Okay, things aren't that bad. I mean, in the four years since college we've managed
the basics--crappy jobs, tiny apartments, great friends. Not bad, especially
considering we decided to begin responsible adulthood in New York City. But there's
no zing anymore, no thrill. What happened to waking up in a city that doesn't sleep
and finding we're king of the hill, top of the heap? All right, I admit it: I was
lured into the greater New York metropolitan area by Frank Sinatra. I guess it sounds
pretty ridiculous now, but at the time it seemed perfectly reasonable.
These days a real whopper of a night on the town involves two pitchers at The Gaf and
dinner for three at a burger joint on the corner.
"Are we losers?" I ask the girls.
"No," chirps Audrey.
"Absolutely not. We're young and vibrant," says Veronica weakly.
"We don't have it that bad. Besides, Ryan, things will pick up," declares Audrey.
Okay, things aren't that bad. I mean, in the four years since college we've managed
the basics--crappy jobs, tiny apartments, great friends. Not bad, especially
considering we decided to begin responsible adulthood in New York City. But there's
no zing anymore, no thrill. What happened to waking up in a city that doesn't sleep
and finding we're king of the hill, top of the heap? All right, I admit it: I was
lured into the greater New York metropolitan area by Frank Sinatra. I guess it sounds
pretty ridiculous now, but at the time it seemed perfectly reasonable.
I was an "ambitious, headstrong young woman driven to achieve the American Dream.
Where better to do it than New York City?" Well, that's how my father explained it to
my mother when I left home. Pretty great of him, right? The thing you have to
understand is that his idea of life in New York came mostly from Doris Day movies. To
live the kind of big-city life he envisions requires a closet full of brightly colored
shift dresses (with matching shoes and handbags) and several years of finishing
school. My New York dream, on the other hand, was much more realistic. It involved
only two things--Central Park in fall and a man named Harry. In other words, it came
mostly from Nora Ephron movies. The sad reality is, after about six months in New
York all the modern American girl dreams about is surviving her twenties without a
substance abuse problem or sexually transmitted disease.
Where better to do it than New York City?" Well, that's how my father explained it to
my mother when I left home. Pretty great of him, right? The thing you have to
understand is that his idea of life in New York came mostly from Doris Day movies. To
live the kind of big-city life he envisions requires a closet full of brightly colored
shift dresses (with matching shoes and handbags) and several years of finishing
school. My New York dream, on the other hand, was much more realistic. It involved
only two things--Central Park in fall and a man named Harry. In other words, it came
mostly from Nora Ephron movies. The sad reality is, after about six months in New
York all the modern American girl dreams about is surviving her twenties without a
substance abuse problem or sexually transmitted disease.
my conquering. To my wide and untrained eye, the people, the pace, the scale of it,
was only a detailed backdrop for my storybook triumph. I got off the train and glided
college had prepared me for something. The specifics of that something were hazy at
best, but I was confident it would be big, special, or at the very least highly
lucrative. I was sure I would find an exciting and fulfilling life of wealth,
success, and handsome men waiting for me right around the corner.
In a way, I was right--people live very well on Park Avenue.
was only a detailed backdrop for my storybook triumph. I got off the train and glided
college had prepared me for something. The specifics of that something were hazy at
best, but I was confident it would be big, special, or at the very least highly
lucrative. I was sure I would find an exciting and fulfilling life of wealth,
success, and handsome men waiting for me right around the corner.
In a way, I was right--people live very well on Park Avenue.
"What do you mean?" asks Veronica.
"Do you think we've done it all right? That we are where wee should be?"
"I think we're doing just fine," replies Audrey sweetly.
I nod in agreement. Yeah, fine. But shouldn't there be more? Lately, I can't seem
to shake the feeling that I'm missing something--that there's more out there. I feel
like spectacular, extraordinary things are always happening to other people--but never
to me. It seems the longer I live in New York, the further away I get from my New
York dream.
For example, my big personal success for the day will be making it to my apartment
without falling down.
"Do you think we've done it all right? That we are where wee should be?"
"I think we're doing just fine," replies Audrey sweetly.
I nod in agreement. Yeah, fine. But shouldn't there be more? Lately, I can't seem
to shake the feeling that I'm missing something--that there's more out there. I feel
like spectacular, extraordinary things are always happening to other people--but never
to me. It seems the longer I live in New York, the further away I get from my New
York dream.
For example, my big personal success for the day will be making it to my apartment
without falling down.
"Me too," replies Audrey.
"Your place tomorrow?" asks Veronica.
I nod as I wrestle the hook for control of my bag.
A few air kisses later and I'm on my way home, already dreaming about the one perfect
thing I know I'll have today--six and a half to seven hours of wonderful coma-like
sleep.
"Your place tomorrow?" asks Veronica.
I nod as I wrestle the hook for control of my bag.
A few air kisses later and I'm on my way home, already dreaming about the one perfect
thing I know I'll have today--six and a half to seven hours of wonderful coma-like
sleep.
Libby Street, Happiness Sold Separately, Accidental It Girl, In One Year and Out the Other, The Luckiest People, paparazzi, celebrity, fame, New
York Times Bestseller, novel, novelist, chick lit, women's fiction, womens fiction, Sarah Bushweller, Sarah Castellano, Emily S. Morris, Emily
Servedio, New York, New York City, Hollywood, book, good book, great book, fun read, book club selection, boy meets girl, famous, fun book,
screenplay, script, read an excerpt, Simon and Schuster, Pocket Books, writer's guide, advice for writers, good blog, great blog, writing,
novel, novelist, two writers, pseudonym, friendship, bestseller, bestselling book, books, cool website, cool author's website
York Times Bestseller, novel, novelist, chick lit, women's fiction, womens fiction, Sarah Bushweller, Sarah Castellano, Emily S. Morris, Emily
Servedio, New York, New York City, Hollywood, book, good book, great book, fun read, book club selection, boy meets girl, famous, fun book,
screenplay, script, read an excerpt, Simon and Schuster, Pocket Books, writer's guide, advice for writers, good blog, great blog, writing,
novel, novelist, two writers, pseudonym, friendship, bestseller, bestselling book, books, cool website, cool author's website
such bright and lovely things that, as you snuggle down
to sleep, you say to yourself, "Now that was a wonderful
day"?
Me either.
I've been wondering lately, how many people actually have
days like that? Are people having them all around me and
I just don't know it? For instance, could the guy
standing in front of me be smiling so enthusiastically
because he just met the love of his life? Or the woman
behind me, will she glide into bed tonight and say, "This
was the day--I'll remember this day always"?
Okay, probably not.
I don't imagine you have to wait in an interminable ATM
line on a truly perfect day. Surely, on a truly
to sleep, you say to yourself, "Now that was a wonderful
day"?
Me either.
I've been wondering lately, how many people actually have
days like that? Are people having them all around me and
I just don't know it? For instance, could the guy
standing in front of me be smiling so enthusiastically
because he just met the love of his life? Or the woman
behind me, will she glide into bed tonight and say, "This
was the day--I'll remember this day always"?
Okay, probably not.
I don't imagine you have to wait in an interminable ATM
line on a truly perfect day. Surely, on a truly
perfect day, cash materializes in your pocket
on command. Sadly, in my world the closest
thing to perfect is when the ATM actually spits
out money instead of that admonishing beep and
Sorry, cannot process your request at this time
message.
You see, my life is fine. It is neither
medication. I've never been privy to a perfect
You see, my life is fine. It is neither day,
but I haven't had a lot of especially bad
outstanding, nor bad enough to require days
either. I guess you could say I live in that
vast cushiony-soft gap between superb and
on command. Sadly, in my world the closest
thing to perfect is when the ATM actually spits
out money instead of that admonishing beep and
Sorry, cannot process your request at this time
message.
You see, my life is fine. It is neither
medication. I've never been privy to a perfect
You see, my life is fine. It is neither day,
but I haven't had a lot of especially bad
outstanding, nor bad enough to require days
either. I guess you could say I live in that
vast cushiony-soft gap between superb and
suicidal. In other words, I am your typical twenty-five-year-old modern American
female.
I am a well-educated, reasonably intelligent, fairly productive member of society.
impoverished than I want to be. I'm pretty sure I'll never find Mr. Right, but on
that point I am more than willing to be proven wrong. In my world managing to get
fifty bucks out of the ATM is one of life's greater pleasures, right up there with
Hershey's chocolate and outlet shopping.
I step up to the ATM machine with the standard mixture of trepidation and hope. Every
ATM encounter is a gamble and, as is usually the case, the odds tip in favor of the
house--Chase Manhattan. I swipe my card and say a little novena to Saint Jude, patron
saint of lost causes. "Please, let there be enough money in there." I'm not
Catholic, but it can't hurt. I hate it when I'm the one sad girl who has to keep
swiping and frantically punching in dollar amounts in decreasing increments till
finally leaving the place red-faced with ten bucks.
female.
I am a well-educated, reasonably intelligent, fairly productive member of society.
impoverished than I want to be. I'm pretty sure I'll never find Mr. Right, but on
that point I am more than willing to be proven wrong. In my world managing to get
fifty bucks out of the ATM is one of life's greater pleasures, right up there with
Hershey's chocolate and outlet shopping.
I step up to the ATM machine with the standard mixture of trepidation and hope. Every
ATM encounter is a gamble and, as is usually the case, the odds tip in favor of the
house--Chase Manhattan. I swipe my card and say a little novena to Saint Jude, patron
saint of lost causes. "Please, let there be enough money in there." I'm not
Catholic, but it can't hurt. I hate it when I'm the one sad girl who has to keep
swiping and frantically punching in dollar amounts in decreasing increments till
finally leaving the place red-faced with ten bucks.
The machine coughs out the sweet whir, swish,
click-click-click and bills sputter out to
can get sucked back in.
The piercing whine of a cell phone rings out.
The three people in my vicinity not
already on the phone riffle through their
pockets and purses.
The ringing continues. They all look at me.
I lift my giant black tote to my ear. Yep,
it's me. I shuffle through the crowd and out
onto the street, digging through the gum
wrappers and convenience-store receipts that
have gone forth and multiplied in the
click-click-click and bills sputter out to
can get sucked back in.
The piercing whine of a cell phone rings out.
The three people in my vicinity not
already on the phone riffle through their
pockets and purses.
The ringing continues. They all look at me.
I lift my giant black tote to my ear. Yep,
it's me. I shuffle through the crowd and out
onto the street, digging through the gum
wrappers and convenience-store receipts that
have gone forth and multiplied in the
"Aw, you did the work phone answer." It's Audrey. She screams out to Veronica, who
is no doubt right next to her, "She did the work phone answer!" Back to me.
"That's a round on you, baby!"
"Yeah, yeah" is the only reply I can muster.
"Where are you?"
"Sixty-eighth Street. Two stops," I say.
She screams, "Well, hurry up!"
I get an ear-splitting crash-thump, followed by a muffled "Oops."
Veronica picks up, "Listen to this."
In chorus they belt, "All the women who independent...we all love the overdraft / All
the honeys makin' money...we love living check to check..." The tune almost sounds
like "Independent Women" by Destiny's Child, but not quite. (Sadly, Audrey has only
three CD's in morning workout rotation: Beyonce's Dangerously in Love, the Destiny
Child remix album, and the Charlie's Angels soundtrack, circa the year 2000.)
As Audrey continues to belt out lyrics in the background, Veronica says, "We call it
'Ode to My Overdraft,' subtitled 'Credit-Dependent Women.'"
"You are so Destiny's Bastard Child," I say.
"Girl, you're gonna be Destiny's Bitch if you don't get here soon."
Then comes the oh-too-familiar snap, crackle, pop of signal loss.
I blurt, "I'm losing you. I'll be there in fifteen minutes!" as I follow the throng
of people disappearing underground and race onto the Uptown 6.
is no doubt right next to her, "She did the work phone answer!" Back to me.
"That's a round on you, baby!"
"Yeah, yeah" is the only reply I can muster.
"Where are you?"
"Sixty-eighth Street. Two stops," I say.
She screams, "Well, hurry up!"
I get an ear-splitting crash-thump, followed by a muffled "Oops."
Veronica picks up, "Listen to this."
In chorus they belt, "All the women who independent...we all love the overdraft / All
the honeys makin' money...we love living check to check..." The tune almost sounds
like "Independent Women" by Destiny's Child, but not quite. (Sadly, Audrey has only
three CD's in morning workout rotation: Beyonce's Dangerously in Love, the Destiny
Child remix album, and the Charlie's Angels soundtrack, circa the year 2000.)
As Audrey continues to belt out lyrics in the background, Veronica says, "We call it
'Ode to My Overdraft,' subtitled 'Credit-Dependent Women.'"
"You are so Destiny's Bastard Child," I say.
"Girl, you're gonna be Destiny's Bitch if you don't get here soon."
Then comes the oh-too-familiar snap, crackle, pop of signal loss.
I blurt, "I'm losing you. I'll be there in fifteen minutes!" as I follow the throng
of people disappearing underground and race onto the Uptown 6.
price. It is actually a members-only gathering place for barely postpubescent
borderline alcoholics. Oh, yes, we did very well there.
borderline alcoholics. Oh, yes, we did very well there.
"Ryan!" bellows the usually composed
Audrey as she slams her beer down on the
table. "How was your day?"
"Fine," I reply.
"And Veronica?"
"The usual," she replies, lighting a
cigarette. "And you, my dear?"
Audrey shrugs. "Same."
Ah, the depressing side of financial
crisis and romantic drought--same old,
Audrey as she slams her beer down on the
table. "How was your day?"
"Fine," I reply.
"And Veronica?"
"The usual," she replies, lighting a
cigarette. "And you, my dear?"
Audrey shrugs. "Same."
Ah, the depressing side of financial
crisis and romantic drought--same old,
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